Together with the psychologist we figured out how a woman can get from a loved just what she wants, and not to run into the scandal.
The other day I became an involuntary witness of a family scandal. Girlfriend in a verbal duel knocked out the husband. He was angry, but remained sitting at the TV, she certainly did. And who on earth good will it do? The fact of the matter is that regular scandals for family happiness thing destructive. And since it is the most happiness depends largely on us, ladies, I suggest that you master the rules of conflict-free marriage.
Let us call them appliances ’s family Aikido”*.
“AI”, or Restore harmony in the relationship
First, let’s deal with the question, what is happiness or, in other words, harmony in relationships? Very simple! A woman is happiest when she feels the woman and man – man. And here, girls, we usually suffer a complete fiasco.
First example: be a woman
She’s about 35 – works as a designer in three places, chores and a baby all on her. He is older than her two years. Freelance artist, sits in the apartment and heroically waiting for inspiration to finish his long-suffering first novel. To help his wife around the house he’s not going, and ghostly royalties for his book looming on the horizon for several years.
Obviously, in this example, the boys exchanged roles. The main thing here is to understand that the essence of the male nature to give, and female – to take. For ladies, practice, – this is the hardest part. Give, finally, the husband the opportunity to take care of you, forget you this battle cry “sama-Sama!”. From today you really need to be loved, and he’s your hero – no more, no less. The main thing is not to turn a worn-out “plate” of the victim. You are a woman, and therefore worthy to help you. Ask the husband for help – simply and briefly, with dignity and graceful. In General, just the way you are able. And, of course, remember that the wisdom of a woman is to very gently to show the man that he is home. Let the husband thinks that the decision is always with him. It was vital, as you do not lose anything. Stop giving him unsolicited advice. Notice, we are not talking about what you transform into a fish. You share with her husband their emotions and feelings, but give advice when you are asked to do.
Second example: sex happiness is not an obstacle
A friend of mine recently said that she is splitting up with her because he, according to her, turned into an animal. On the threshold of the sex he wanted, without departing from the stove, tubs or even the balcony. Where it will strike, there is called, and against the wall. Sounds familiar?
Indeed, the execution of marital debt for many women becomes onerous duty. Ladies, did you try to change your attitude and therefore behaviour. First, let’s agree that sex desire is a natural need, and his men, as a rule, I want more and more. If about sex he says from the doorway, then most likely he’s had a tough day and needed to disconnect from the problems. It is clear that to play the role of such a switch is not always pleasant, therefore, respecting him and his feelings, go, for example, the most simple way: we seat him on the couch next to him, pressed to his chest and patting on the head. Say nothing and don’t ask. When he feels your encouragement and your kindness – consider husband was transferred to the home mode without the “animal sex”.
“Ki”, or Filled with vitality and happiness
The behavior and health of the man is determined by the internal state of a woman. The poor fellow-sufferer the man every time they will give rise to new tragedies. But lucky companion will try to do even happier. And it’s the law! Figuratively speaking, it is the battery, it ’ s battery. Empty battery is unable to charge, so the poor woman with low self-esteem is a terrible threat to family well-being.
10 effective ways to recharge:
Communication. It is an essential component of happiness and recharging for women. Good any form of it – gatherings with my friends, clubs or, at worst, Internet. The value of communication increases if it is filled with trust. Purity. No wonder they say – “order in the house – in order in my head”. Free up your space for happiness. Washing of floors, for example, can be turned into a kind of ritual, take a rag and saying, “I cleanse my life from all the problems and obstacles”. But coping with another mountain of dishes, you can sing a cheerful song: “Money is flowing into my house by the river, as the tap water, the abundance of the universe is with me always”. Beauty. Remember, we have to restore the beauty for myself. Even if no one, in our opinion, will not appreciate our manicure or a new hairstyle. The main thing is that looking in a mirror, we become happier. Care. We used to care for others. It’s time to feel care of yourself, and let for a start, even for our money. Allow yourself to go to the same manicurist in the salon and at least once a week to massage. Believe me, it’s not senseless luxury is an investment in the happiness of your family. Cooperation. The woman is happier when she’s with someone makes even the most useless nonsense. Just go shopping with my girlfriends is already cooperation. Interaction. Cooperation and interaction are very similar. A small difference that in this case, your result depends on the outcome of a joint project. Responsibility. Sometimes a woman just needs to hear how she should act in a given situation. Perfect when she turns to her husband. If there is no husband – it could be a father or a friend. Praise and compliments. No amount of compliments and praise, which would be unnecessary for women. But it is important for us to learn how to accept them from the position of “I deserve this” and with gratitude. Love. Any actions or objects that are filled with this feeling, automatically makes a woman happier. For example, even simple conversations about love, books and films about love, etc. Creativity. Creating beauty around you, the woman calms the mind and filled with happiness.
“Before”, or How to pass through life together
The changing relationships in the family begins with the change of the woman. Therefore, making the first steps on the path to marital happiness, it is not necessary to inform her husband and wait for his reaction. Continue to change on a daily basis and very soon you will be amazed how attentive and caring, it turns out, may be your spouse.
From the first day you learn to accept and appreciate a man for what he is. Sometimes, when a relationship, in your opinion, go to the peak of bliss, the man suddenly withdraws into himself and moves away. It’s a defense mechanism, just he feels that he loses his masculine rod and freedom. Do not try to bind him hand and foot, let go, let him go to his “den” – it can be a TV, a mountain hike or a new hobby, for example. When he will restore his masculine nature, he will definitely be back, the main thing is not to bother and to give him time. It so happens that the separation desired and the woman. And here a recipe like this – don’t be afraid of parting, fear of divorce. First, by themselves, be happier, and then filled with each other.
Comment psychologist
Talk about your feelings and desires
– To change the relationship with the spouse, we must first take responsibility for themselves. Do not demand from her husband any response, ” advises psychologist Marina Milcheva. – An experiment, start to apply the tips described in the article, but be very aware. Keep track of how you react to your companion, learn to listen carefully to it and try very tactful and respectful to establish personal boundaries. In addition to a woman is able to create harmony in the family, she needs to start talking about their feelings and desires. And most importantly, remember that the prosperity of a relationship is to give more than they receive.
Something to read on this subject
In order thoroughly to understand the features of male and female nature, you should read through almost the classics – the book of John gray’s ” Men are from Mars, women are from Venus”.
* AIKIDO is a Japanese martial art. Literal translation – the path (“to”) harmony (“AI”) of life energy (“Ki”). Aikido differs from other martial arts pronounced defensive character. This system of self-defense allows you to maintain inner balance and calm in critical situations. This technique not only requires a good physical training, but, above all, a great psychological left, allowing you to master yourself.
